So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
