White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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