the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
