I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize