fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
