If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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