I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
