nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
