Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
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As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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