Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize