I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
