We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
