Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
