ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
