Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
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I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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