you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
