I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize