I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Shame is for Republicans.
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