I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
