I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
