So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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