In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
