You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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