Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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