Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
