So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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