I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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