Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
