where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
