Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
