you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
