I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
