Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
