Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So gin and wine won't be happening again
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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