im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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