you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
