we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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