having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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