those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
