I am puke
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
