Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
