so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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