May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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