Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
