I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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