VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
