Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
