People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
