More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
