: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
