ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize