You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You're like the curious george of whores
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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