so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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