y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
