There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
