You just made me feel so damn special
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
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