I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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