I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
