dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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