this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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