it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
