who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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