quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
