being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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