How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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