is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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