goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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